Insights Into Teens

Insights Into Teens: Episode 26 "Peer Pressure"

July 29, 2019 Joseph and Madison Whalen Season 1 Episode 26
Insights Into Teens
Insights Into Teens: Episode 26 "Peer Pressure"
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Insights Into Teens
Insights Into Teens: Episode 26 "Peer Pressure"
Jul 29, 2019 Season 1 Episode 26
Joseph and Madison Whalen

In this episode we talk about the various forms of peer pressure and why it can be so powerful at times. We'll look at some of the myths about peer pressure and talk about the realities. There are five common social pressures of peer pressure and we'll discuss each of them in depth before talking about ways to detect peer pressure and determine if it is positive or negative peer pressure.

Show Notes Transcript

In this episode we talk about the various forms of peer pressure and why it can be so powerful at times. We'll look at some of the myths about peer pressure and talk about the realities. There are five common social pressures of peer pressure and we'll discuss each of them in depth before talking about ways to detect peer pressure and determine if it is positive or negative peer pressure.

Speaker 1:

Insightful pocket by informative post insights into a podcast network.

Speaker 2:

[inaudible]

Speaker 3:

welcome to insights into teens, a podcast series, exploring the issues and challenges of today's youth. Your hosts are Joseph and Madison, Whalen , a father and daughter team making their way through the challenges. Okay .

Speaker 2:

The teenage years.

Speaker 4:

Welcome to insights into teens. This is episode 26. Peer pressure. I'm your host, Joseph Wayland and my brilliant and beautiful cohost, Madison Waylon . How are you doing today, Maddie ?

Speaker 5:

Hi everyone. And I am doing very good.

Speaker 4:

I'm glad to hear that. Uh, so we will be talking about pure fresher today, but before we get into that, we did kind of have a busy week. Why don't you give us a quick recap of what we have done this week?

Speaker 5:

Well, since the last podcast we went to Maryland.

Speaker 4:

We did indeed.

Speaker 5:

And um, it was definitely a very interesting experience.

Speaker 4:

So what did we hear? So you, I was down there for work. Uh, you and Mommy sorta did stuff that Friday. Yep . Uh , cause last week we did record the podcast earlier than normal because of the trip. Yep . And then Saturday would we do,

Speaker 5:

we went to ocean city, Maryland.

Speaker 4:

We did. What'd we see there?

Speaker 5:

Oh, we went to a Ripley's believe it or not.

Speaker 4:

Yes we did. How'd you like that? Was that kind of cool?

Speaker 5:

Yeah, I thought like most of some of the exhibits were cool. And the room where like you felt like he was spinning and kind of made me sick.

Speaker 4:

Yes. That one. That one kind of got me too . Yeah. And then did we just drive home?

Speaker 5:

Nope. We went on the ferry.

Speaker 4:

Jed . And that was your first time since you were about, I don't know, you weren't a year old yet. You were still an infant, so you must've been like maybe eight months old, maybe. So in awhile . And then what did we do last night? Okay .

Speaker 5:

We went to the man and saw star wars, empire strikes back in concert.

Speaker 4:

Yes, we did with music provided by Philadelphia Orchestra. That was fantastic. Yeah. That's always from the doe . Yeah. Did you enjoy that last night? Yup . Good, good. Um, so okay, we will be talking beer fresher today. This is one that we've sort of kept under the radar for a little bit here as we've done a whole bunch of other stuff. Uh, and don't , I think this one's going to be pretty kind of a soft hitting. It's an , it's not one of those emotional tear jerkers that we've been doing. So , um, we'll define what peer pressure is in the context of our discussion. We will look at why peer pressure can be so powerful on teens. Then we'll look at some myths and versus realities, you know, in the perception of peer pressure. Uh , then there's the five common social pressures among students we'll look at and then we'll look at the types of peer pressure that you can experience and how to spot the difference between , um, you know, good peer pressure and bad peer pressure. And we'll talk about how to avoid and resist negative peer pressure. And then we'll finish up with your final thoughts and your child's , so are you ready to get into it? Yep . All right , let's do it.

Speaker 6:

Okay .

Speaker 4:

So for our definition of what is peer pressure, we go to um, community for accredited online schools. In fact, all of our sources come from this source this week. They say peer pressure is akin to the idea of conformity. It occurs when an individual feels as though they need to do the same things as people their own age or in their social group to be liked or accepted to gain that affinity and respect. Some individuals will do things they don't feel they should or things they might not feel ready for in order to fit in and be like those around them. This plays out in a variety of situations from bullying on the place , school playground to drinking too much in college. The negative peer pressures can make a person feel bad about the things they're doing even as they continue doing them as a way to feel connected to their peers. So do we understand what we're talking about with peer pressure? So peer pressure in the context of this discussion today is you are doing, or the the, the person who subjected to peer pressure is doing something they wouldn't normally do for the sake of fitting in with the group that they're trying to fit in with. Pretty simple concept. Right? So let's talk about why peer pressure can be so powerful.

Speaker 6:

Okay .

Speaker 4:

So this is a list of different things that kind of empower peer pressure and I want to just give you the listen and bounce the ideas off of you. So the first thing is, is that pure pressure feeds on the things that frighten us. Um, so in a social environment, in the social setting, what w like what fears would you typically have in a group of people?

Speaker 5:

Well, some fears would be like mainly their opinion on me. Like if what ? Like I have the fear of what they might think of me and the fact that they write out like me or the fact that they think I'm really nothing.

Speaker 4:

Right? Right.

Speaker 5:

Or they're thinking bad thoughts about me

Speaker 4:

and Max. That's exactly what peer pressure feeds on. And it goes on to say that we're all social creatures. We want to fit in, have friends, avoid loneliness and gain approval from others, which is exactly, you know what you're, you're, you're playing at or what you're talking about here is, you know, it's that opinion, what the other people think of me. Um, let's say the fear of not having those things is enough to propel some people too extreme or inappropriate responses. Now, have you experienced anything in which, you know , you felt pressured by your peers and it doesn't necessarily have to be first to do something inappropriate, but as it, you know, if you're a , you're on the playground with your friends and you want to read or draw and they all want to do something else. Have you had experiences where you've gone along with them just so that you could still be hanging out with your friends?

Speaker 7:

Um ,

Speaker 5:

I might have, I just don't remember. Honestly, I don't think it was that bad because I probably enjoyed what they were doing as well.

Speaker 4:

Well, and I'm not saying it has to necessarily be bad, but pure pressure itself is really you conforming to what the group wants to do rather than what you want to do or what you think is right. And it doesn't have to be a negative thing.

Speaker 5:

I mean, honestly, if it ever happened to me, it actually wasn't really a bad thing. It was more of a good thing because I eventually had fun as well.

Speaker 4:

Right. And we'll get into that. I mean there's a difference between good and bad peer pressure, but peer pressure itself is still peer pressure. Um, so it goes on to say that students often give in to peer pressure because they don't want to be rejected by friends. Is that something that you know, you've experienced where you , you don't want to be left out of the crown because you want to participate?

Speaker 5:

Um , I can't remember any instances really.

Speaker 4:

Okay. And I think any peer pressure, fortunately right now, any peer pressure that you're experiencing is probably a more of a passive positive peer pressure of, you know, I don't want to draw today but everyone else wants to draw. So I'll do art today even though I really don't want to. That's still peer pressure.

Speaker 5:

Uh Huh .

Speaker 4:

Um, the article goes on to say that youth are also much less likely to be sure themselves or what they want. Making them more susceptible to peer pressure that pushes them to test boundaries. And that's, I think that's a good question to ask you as you , how sure are you of of the things that you want to do and the things that you enjoy doing with or without your friends?

Speaker 5:

I'm pretty sure about the thing lube really want to do.

Speaker 4:

And are there times when your friends want to do stuff that you don't want to do?

Speaker 5:

Yes. On occasions? Yes.

Speaker 4:

And how do you handle those situations?

Speaker 5:

I just go along so I can make them happen so I can also hang out with them.

Speaker 4:

Okay. So you know, you do experience that from time to time.

Speaker 5:

Mm . But usually , um, it's just stuff we all like to enjoy because we all share the same interests.

Speaker 4:

Sure. But that doesn't make it any less of a pure pressure situation. Peer pressure is when your peers are trying to get you to do something you don't want to do, whether it's good or bad, it's still peer pressure. The last thing that they have on the list here is since students face many new situations in high school and college, they might find themselves in a position of not having the knowledge or tools to extricate themselves from a bad spot. Now, I doubt you've experienced this yet, fortunately, however it will happen. You may be at a dance with friends and your friends might want to smoke or your friends might want to, someone may have snuck, you know, some alcohol and they might want to have a drink or they might want to, you know, if it's a dance at the school, they might want to slip away from the school and go explore the school or something like that. Anything like that. Um, and you may find yourself in a position where you don't know how to say no or you don't know how to back out of that. Um, and it can put you in a bed position, sometimes in an uncomfortable position. And you don't want to be the party Pooper, I guess. You don't want to be the one that's sucking fun out of the group. So you may wind up just going along with it, even though you know deep down inside you probably shouldn't. So that's something to be aware of them. We're going to talk about a couple of different things up ahead here that'll, it'll be warning signs for that . So that's just a heads up for everyone else out there because it can put you in a position where you don't want to be ostracized and neglected by anything , your friends. So all these things combined make peer pressure very powerful. You know, it's preying on that fear of being left out, of being judged by your friends of not having that group to do things with. So you wind up going along with it. And even I, you know, I'll be the first one I've met when I was younger. I felt a peer pressure, you know, in the pants. And I did a lot of, oh , I don't want to say a lot, but I did some stupid things. Um, which in hindsight were potentially very dangerous , uh, which I shouldn't have done. And uh, you know, a with age and wisdom, I can look back on it and understand the consequences and I may relate a couple of those stories as the podcast goes on. But anyway, we'll come back. We'll talk about in myth versus reality when it comes to peer pressure.

Speaker 8:

Okay .

Speaker 4:

So there's a lot of myth around your pressure, lot of perceptions. So the first perception that people tend to have when you hear the word peer pressures that all peer pressure is negative. Well it's not. So in reality, peer pressure can be good if it pushes a person out of their comfort zone and gives them an opportunity to discover new things. You know, your friends may want to go swimming and you may not have ever gone swimming before cause you may have lived in a place that didn't have a pool or any place to go swimming. And you may be terrified cause you don't know how to swim. And by going along with your friends, it may introduce you to a new activity that you really enjoyed doing and you learn how to swim doing that in the process and it makes it a safer experience for you. So just like you were saying, you know, not everything is negative. Right. And just cause it's not negative doesn't mean it's not peer pressure. It still is, but it's a good thing. Um , the next myth is giving it a peer pressure means a person will fit in and feel better about themselves. What do you think of that one?

Speaker 8:

MMM , mmm .

Speaker 5:

Well I think like in some instances, like mainly with good peer pressure and occasionally negative peer pressure, but if it's something really bad like smoking or doing drugs , um, they'll probably feel like this is wrong to feel more nervous than fitting in. And like they won't even think about fitting in. And even though like they're thinking about the consequences and how that they shouldn't be doing this.

Speaker 4:

You're absolutely right. The reality is is that succumbing the pure pressure often leaves people with that feeling that they've betrayed their own beliefs or desires in order to conform to what others want. And more often than not, you tend to have regrets of that later on. So the next one we have is bad behavior can be excused by pure pressure. So for instance, if , um, if you, if your friends want to do something like , uh , let's ag a house or let's go do graffiti on a wall and you go along with them and you get caught doing what you're not supposed to be doing and you tell your parents or the authorities or whoever catches you, well, you know, my friends were doing it so I wanted to do it. Do you think that's a reasonable defense of doing something wrong?

Speaker 5:

No. Because you said have thought because you should have the mindset , even though you're nervous, you should have had the mindset to realize, hey, this is wrong. I probably shouldn't do this and I should probably at least try to get my friends to not do it. And if they don't listen to me, hey, it's their problem.

Speaker 4:

Absolutely. While some behaviors may be influenced by peer pressure, it's never an excuse to behave badly or to shirk your responsibility. Uh , peer pressure doesn't get really bad until teen years. How do you think about that?

Speaker 5:

Um, actually I think , um, it can be pretty bad even when you're younger.

Speaker 4:

Yeah. Most kids, most people want to fit in from a very young age, leaving them open to peer pressure. It may seem more intense during teen years because individuals are more aware of the impact their choices have.

Speaker 5:

Yeah. Like when you said earlier on the podcast, we all want to be social. We all want to have friends. No one wants to be alone. That still happens when we're like kit .

Speaker 4:

That's true. It happens very early on. Uh , the next one is, is actually a very important one. Um, that, you know , I think we are going to have to revisit at some point in the future. But the myth that bullying is a fact of life, it happens to everybody and it's normal. What are your thoughts on that?

Speaker 5:

Well, it doesn't, well I'm sure it doesn't have happened to everybody, but it happens to a lot of people.

Speaker 4:

It does. Yeah. So they go on to say here that although many people may experience bullying in their lifetime, it isn't something that should be accepted as a fact of life. Now the interesting thing about this, and this is the first mentioned in the, in the material that we have here, that equates peer pressure to bullying. And it really is, I mean, if, if someone is forcing you to do something that you don't want to do, regardless of the circumstances, it's bullying. Okay. And if the bullying is happening from your friends because they're going to make fun of you or they're not going to be friends with you or whatever, then that's when peer pressure becomes bullying. So it's important to keep an eye on that too. You may chalk things up to just being pure pressure, but when peer pressure crosses that line, the bullying, all the other rules that you've been taught through the years kick in with bullying, how to handle bullies. You know who to talk to about bullying, all the warning signs, so it's important to keep that in mind. The next one we have here is young people should learn to work through peer pressures on their own. How do you feel about that?

Speaker 5:

No, I definitely think they should not handle peer pressure on their own because if they do it , it'll probably just get worse. If you don't like talk to someone or you'll probably just have it in you the entire time and eventually it'll just start getting worse and worse and you won't be able to handle it on your own all on your own.

Speaker 4:

Absolutely. Although it's important for young people to learn to speak for themselves, adults must guide them in understanding how to recognize positive pressures and how to avoid negative ones. They're also, they also have responsibility to intervene when necessary. The meaning the adults do. So if the, if the peer pressure, if the bullying is too much, adults do have to interfere at that point in time and , and resolve the situations. Those who don't give into peer pressure or why not feeling lonely and an outcast. Do you think that's true?

Speaker 7:

Um , [inaudible]

Speaker 5:

nope. I don't think it's true because I mean, I mean if, if with good peer pressure , um, if you don't have peer pressure and you, but it's good peer pressure from your good friends, they'll still be friends with you and they'll accept your opinion. If they're good friends, if they aren't good friends and are telling you to do something horrible, it's good to not sort of says it's good to not

Speaker 7:

[inaudible]

Speaker 5:

whatever. Go submit to um , that kind of peer pressure and just have them not be your real friend cause they aren't your real friend . They don't, they don't accept your opinion.

Speaker 4:

Right. They say many people successfully resist peer pressure, strengthening their sense of self and their ability to thrive in a variety of social. They may keep their friendships intact or find a new group of likeminded friends. And I think that's the important takeaway here is that if you're feeling constant pressure from the fringe , you've got to do things that you know you shouldn't be doing or that are wrong, then that's kind of a warning sign that you're probably hanging around with the wrong people. So the ability to resist that peer pressure is probably one of the first steps in becoming a leader yourself. It demonstrates that leadership skill. Now the next one that we have says , you know, the myth is the peer pressure comes only from friends and peers. What do you think about that one?

Speaker 5:

Um, that's probably also false because um, even though they will come from your friends and peers, I'm pretty sure they can come from others as well.

Speaker 4:

Like who else do you think peer pressure would come from? I think you'll be surprised at the ones that they signed here.

Speaker 5:

Um, honestly I'm not really sure, but I know pavers are , can come from others.

Speaker 4:

So they talk about here that peer pressure may come from other people too. Such as parents or teachers, although they're not technically a student's peers, they may reinforce the attitudes that result in that. Pressure. Media's is also responsible for a great deal of peer pressure. So if we take a step back and we talk about the positive peer pressure, where positive peer pressure can force you to step outside of your comfort zone and learn new experiences, that's sort of what mommy and daddy do to you. So we, we kind of put that pressure on you, but we do it in a way that will help you to grow as a person

Speaker 5:

where other parents who aren't that good will probably force you to do other things that are probably bad.

Speaker 4:

That's a very good point. Like there are those parents that you see in the news all the time who live vicariously through their kids and they take them to the sporting events and they push their kids to do these different sporting events, not for the sake of the kids, but for their own glory. And these are those crazy parents who, you know, when a call goes the wrong way, they're the ones that are jumping on the field and getting into fist fights and stuff like that and a kids game. That's where you tend to see that negative pressure coming down from the parents. Um, there's nothing anyone can do about peer pressure. Is that true?

Speaker 5:

Nope. You can do a lot of things about peer pressure. One is you can stop the people who are showing you naked. You could stay away from the below showing your negative peer pressure. And even though there's positive peer pressure from your other friends, it's always okay to put your honest opinion out on what you want to do,

Speaker 4:

right? While it's not always realistic, the stop here , fresher , there were many things a person can do to make sure it doesn't negatively affect their lines . You have choices, you know, you can choose to go along with it or not go along with it. Now those choices have consequences. You just need to be prepared to one, understand the consequences and to accept them so that you can make the right decisions. So that it doesn't have that negative effect on you. And the last one that we have here is peer pressure impacts a person's social life but typically does not extend to their education. What do you think of that one?

Speaker 5:

I think it's also false for,

Speaker 4:

okay .

Speaker 5:

Multiple reasons with Zaretta education, they might be just stressed if they have too much negative , um , peer pressure that they might not be able to learn. Cause I know being stressed is not a good thing. If you're, when you're trying to learn, it stops you from learning. You get too confused too easily and you just too nervous and you can't figure anything out.

Speaker 4:

Yeah . Yeah. Peer pressure can affect any aspect of someone's life, including their education. People may de me , people may be directly tease for being smarter, earning good grades, leading to less effort or pride in their schoolwork, peer pressure in other areas. But we also spill over an influence , educational performance like in the form of stress. So if you're, you know, if you hate going to school because of the peer pressures that you have, then the effort you put forward in the school is going to be affected by that. So the very, it's a very astute observation you make there. Yeah . So we'll come back and we will talk about the five common social pressures among students.

Speaker 6:

Okay .

Speaker 4:

Peer pressure tends to grow in intensity as students move up through the grades by the time they reach high school, fitting in has become a priority and often a source of anxiety while peer pressure can be manifested in any number of ways. It's typically focused in a few common areas. So I'm going to give you these areas and we'll talk about them in more detail. So the first area is drugs and alcohol. Drugs and alcohol are easy to find on both college and high school campuses, which is kind of frightening. Teens might feel pressured to be cool by experimenting with something exotic and daring. When teens were surveyed about drug use, 55% said that they started using drugs after being pressured by their friends. I don't know. To me that's not a very good friend giving an a peer pressure to consume drugs and alcohol can quickly land a person far in over their head leading the even worse decisions. Now you've gone through the dare program, you've seen all the stuff that they throw out you on that. Um, have you seen or been exposed to any kind of peer pressure related to drugs or alcohol at school?

Speaker 5:

Well, not really. I know that and I hope in middle school I won't be pressured to do it, but I know like it's like kids are doing drugs now in middle school and I'm going and that's one of the reasons why I'm afraid to go on there and I just want to stay in the dare program. There was actually a lesson about peer pressure.

Speaker 4:

Wow. Good for them.

Speaker 5:

[inaudible] and they say that people were people who had peer pressure were forced to like do drugs and have and drink alcohol.

Speaker 4:

Right? Yeah . And we'll, we'll do a podcast later on on, on drug and alcohol and stuff like that. But one of the things to take away from this particular point is that when people tend to think of drugs, they think of, you know, the illegal drugs on the street, you know, marijuana, cocaine, heroin, stuff like that. The hard drugs, most drugs that kids encounter in school that they get hooked on are prescription drugs that they get from their parents. So, you know, if kids come to school with pills and stuff like that, that's where they're getting it from most likely is they're rating the medicine cabinet at home. So that's something that, that, you know, you have to be very aware of, especially as a parent. If you have any kind of opioids, painkillers , muscle relaxers or anything like that, any kind of mood altering drugs, that stuff needs to be secured at home so that your kids, you know, one aren't exposed to it and two don't have access to it . So the next thing that they have here is stealing as an activity. Um , maybe it happens on a dare, a challenge to do this or you'll not be one of us. Stealing can have an immediate impact including strong feelings of remorse once the rush of adrenaline wears off over time. Guilt worries about getting caught and concerns about the possible damage to the reputation are some of the negative thoughts a person may be experiencing after stealing? Have you ever been tempted to steal or shoplift or take something from someone else or anything like that? No. That's good. Do you know of any of your other friends have been involved in anything like that?

Speaker 5:

Not really. That's

Speaker 4:

good . Well this is one area that I will relate a little personal story on. Um, I had gotten caught shoplifting. It was probably a year or two older than you, I guess. And there was a retail store called clover. It was a branch of Strawbridge and clothier at the time. And my friend dared me to just steal an action figure from the toy department there. And you know, I did . The store was pretty much empty. I was there with my mom. I don't know what my mom was doing. She was off doing something else. My Dad was outside waiting in the car and you know, I opened up the package and I pocketed the figure and I, I left with my mom and before we got out the door, we were stopped. And they took us up to what's called loss prevention, which is their security area. And you know, they basically caught me red handed and my mom was, she was more disappointed than angry in me. And I think that was probably what had the most lasting impact on me was that I had let my mom down. Um , and to her credit, she didn't let my father know, had my father known, I probably would've gotten a pretty substantial beating as a result. And she knew that. So even though she was disappointed and angry at me for what I did, she still protected me from my dad. Now, I was grounded for quite some time. But the important thing is I learned my lesson there, the feelings of guilt that I had from doing that, the realization of how stupid I was for doing that , um, uh , struck home and, and left a lasting impact on me. Um, so I can speak from personal experience with stealing and the peer pressures of stealing where, you know , I want to fit in with my friend. Uh , cause he did it, you know, and he did it on a regular basis and he never got caught. Um, so, you know, you're left with that false level of confidence while if he got, didn't get caught and I won't get caught and it's not that big a deal, you know, and then you start to justify all, well, they're a multimillion dollar company. A $3 action figures not gonna make that much of a difference. You know, it's not going to kill the company. So what's the big deal? Uh , and the moral of the story was it was wrong. It was wrong. When I did it, it was wrong after I did it. Uh , and no amount of justification in my own mind was going to make it a right action. So anyway, on to the next, and this is one that you're not going to want to talk, but we're going to have to talk about anyway in that is sexual activity. Yes. I know. I'm seeing friends hooking up can make it as , uh , seem as though sex is what everyone does. A common activity. That's not a big deal. That perception can easily lead a person to tamp down their misgivings or hesitation and go further than they want it to. With a partner is pressure often begins in high school. So you should be okay for a little while now before you see any of this stuff really happening. Um, but it can't happen earlier. Studies have shown that 33% of teen boys felt pressured to have sex while 23% of girls in the same age group felt the same way. So there's a slight disparity. You know, the boys tend to be the ones that are more aggressive in this. Um, not always, but for the most part, percentage wise they are. Uh , which is why, you know, when you talk about having friends at school that happened to be boys, I tend to get a little defensive about that. I know boys, I don't trust boys and , and I'd prefer not to have boys around my daughter , uh , not for awhile at least. Uh , it can be tough to put on the brakes in the heat of the moment. In addition to making a person feel uneasy about crossing their personal boundaries, having sex under pressure often means having sex without thinking it through or planning for it. That can lead to serious consequences such such as sexually transmitted infections or pregnancy. Now we're not going to go into great detail about this. I know, you know, you're still outside the realm that I really need to worry too much about this. Um , boyfriend . I know I am not. Now I know that it'll change and when it does, that's when I get terrified. But this podcast isn't just for you. So this is one of the pressures that happens under peer pressure circumstances and everyone needs to be aware of that. Um , the next one we touched on slightly and that is bullying. Most people likely don't think of themselves as bullies. I never thought of myself as a bullying . It turned out that I was, I just happened to bully the guys who bullied other people. So ironic. But the playground persecutor is just one version of a bully bullying behavior. And what you don't have a playground. Persecutor is a playground. Persecutor is the one who dictates what people do in playgroups. So you get three or four of your friends together and you decide you're going to play a board game or you're going to play with lps or this is how you're going to play. Or this is the scenario, the make believe situation you're going to apply. Um, it's the person who takes charge who is often referred to as the playground, playground, persecutor, who doesn't allow other people to play their own way.

Speaker 8:

Um ,

Speaker 4:

and this isn't always a bad thing. Okay? So there are situations where this happens and again, it's a leadership quality and there's a fine line between being a leader and being a bully. Um, getting people to do things for their own good makes you a leader. Getting people to do things for their own good, for your own good, makes you a bully. And there's kind of a align that, that people tend to straddle there. That gets confused. If a group of friends begins to bully someone else cheering each other on, it can lead to a conundrum for a student who recognizes that happening. So if you see your friends bullying someone else, what do you do?

Speaker 5:

Well, I would try to go up to them and tell them to stop and I would ask them why are they doing this

Speaker 4:

now ? Have you ever had a situation where you've had to do that?

Speaker 8:

Um ,

Speaker 5:

not really, but I do remember when I tried to protect the Lindsey from a bully , um , it was I think in like when Lindsay was in second grade and there was this one bully who was saying mean things and I was trying to like tell him to stop. I eventually also want up to the teacher and it got solved quickly.

Speaker 4:

That's good. And that's probably the right thing to do under most circumstances. If someone's being bullied, getting directly involved with that, unless the person, unless there's immediate bodily harm that that person is in danger of getting directly involved probably is not the best way because then you're , you're basically putting your own self at risk. There are other ways to handle bullying and going to get them authorities . The probably the first best way. This is another one I can speak from experience. You know, I was in high school at one point in time a long time ago , um, and there was a kid in gym class who was getting beaten up by this bigger kid and he was an upperclassmen. So the kid, he was beating up a kid in migrate . I was probably [inaudible] 10th grade, 11th grade, something like that. And it was a senior beating up on this kid. And I stepped in and I broke up the fight so the kid wasn't getting hurt anymore. And then unfortunately I up getting into a fight with this bully

Speaker 8:

and uh, you know, I

Speaker 4:

had, I had gotten beat , beat up pretty bad , uh, because the, the bullying, the , he was a dirty fighter. So I had broken up the fight. I had bent over to, to, you know, try and see if this other kid was all right . He was on the ground and the bully came up behind me and hit me from behind when I wasn't looking. And he wound up jumping on top of me and hitting me. Um, but that was one of those situations where had I not intervene immediately, that other kid probably would've gotten much more hurt than he already had gotten. Um, and I had, had I gone off and gotten a , a teacher. Uh , so that was one of the situations where I had to intervene directly in a bullying situation and I paid the consequences for it, you know, but I was far more capable of, of taking those blows from the bully than the other kid was cause the other kid was significantly smaller than both of us. Um, so you know, you , you again, it's one of those things where you make a decision and you have to accept the consequences of that decision. Um, dangerous behavior. Now this was , this is kind of vague, the way that they word this one like this and it sounds very vague. Yeah . So when hanging out with a group of friends who are doing crazy things, standing firm against it or even walking away can be difficult. It's also easy to justify some behaviors as not that bad. Especially if they don't seem all that risky on the surface. Walking along railroad tracks allows plenty of time to hear the train coming. Right. Well it might or it might not. Car Surfing, you know, car surfing is, so car surfing is, there's two forms of it. One, one is a simple form of um, jumping on a car and riding on like the hood of a car. The roof of a car is your kids as your friends drive around , um , like you see in movies and stuff like that. That's just stupid. The other type is , um, when it snows or if you have a skateboard and you grab onto the car and you let the car pull you around, you know , um, that seems fairly innocent until, you know, you hit a pothole that you can't see or an obstruction in the road and you wind up face planning in at 25 miles an hour and that tends to hurt. Or you fall off the skateboard while the car's turning and you wind up sliding underneath of the car and getting run over. So it's this type of thing they're talking about. Um, they going to say that the facts don't support the realizations. Risky behaviors lead to death every day, especially among young people. So I mean there were a couple of things that risky behaviors but doing drugs is of risky behavior. Um , going swimming and diving into a shallow pool because your friends are doing it is risky behavior. You don't know how to do it. There's a whole slew of different types of risky behavior that's out there that if you don't feel comfortable doing it, don't do it. You know, and we'll talk about this in a minute, but I just wanted to make sure we knew what risky behavior was. Okay. Um, so those are really the, the uh, the five common social pressures that you run into. Now. There's types of peer pressures and we'll talk about those when we come back.

Speaker 8:

Okay .

Speaker 4:

So the first and most common is probably spoken pure pressure. Um, this is the most visible and easily understood. So one situation here is ,

Speaker 8:

um ,

Speaker 4:

you've had a drink or two at a party and you know, you've reached your limit, but a handsome guy keeps pushing drinks your way. Because the night's still young and when you insists you don't want anymore, he announces to the crowd that he's found the nun in the crowd. And to make sure you only get water from now on. So basically he's calling you out and making fun of you because you won't party along with him.

Speaker 8:

Um ,

Speaker 4:

another good example is you need to get up to go to class to keep up with. You really need to go to class to keep up with your work, but your roommate has other plans ,

Speaker 8:

uh,

Speaker 4:

push you to skip so you can be their opponent in a new video game. It's tempting when you turn them down. His fun attitude turns hostile. Oh, you're always the party pooper and I'll go ahead and go to your class, your loser. You know that type of verbal abuse, you tend to get in a , a peer pressure situation where they're trying to humiliate you, they're trying to make you feel bad. Um , in the few peer pressure circumstances you have has, has most of the peer pressure you experienced been spoken peer pressure?

Speaker 5:

Um, basically, yeah. I mean they, they don't actually, they don't physically push me to do them. They just ask if I wanted to join along and I say yes because one I want to hang out with them and to it could be fun. Yeah . Okay.

Speaker 4:

So the other one is peer pressure. So , uh, you're debating between going to a concert or staying home to study for an important exam. Uh , as your friends listen to you talk about the dilemma, they're opening up their books and setting up their laptops, watching them prepare to study. You realize where you need to put your own priorities and you choose to focus on study. So that's another good example of positive peer pressure where you know, you want it , you know what you need to do, but you don't want to do what you need to do. And then your friends basically, you know, start doing the right thing and they lead by example there. So that's how unspoken peer pressure works. We've talked about the positive and the negative versions of peer pressure, so I won't, I won't delve too deeply into that.

Speaker 8:

Um, but , um,

Speaker 4:

and the , a , a hidden example of , um , of your negative peer pressure is , uh , your friends are going out to a concert and they want you to go along a , they talk about how great the seats will be and how you should be grateful to have such an opportunity, but you've got a big task coming up and then , uh , the next morning and you know, you should be back. You should, you won't be back until the wee hours of the morning leaving, you know , time to study your friends, roll their eyes and say, just skip the task. College is about having fun.

Speaker 8:

Um ,

Speaker 4:

it's about that guilt factor. You know, where your friends try to make you feel guilty, like you're neglecting them. And it's, it's manipulative and, and most of these types of things are very manipulative in, in their nature. Uh , so you kind of have to look out for that. And , uh, and we're , we're going to talk about that in a second, how to do that. So just be aware of verbal and nonverbal ways of peer pressure affecting your , it's not always someone trying to pressure you into doing something. Sometimes they're , they're rolling their eyes at you or they're shrugging their shoulders or you know, turning their backs on your , there's subtle ways that people can influence you with peer pressure.

Speaker 8:

[inaudible]

Speaker 4:

so spotting the difference. So there's some questions that you want to ask yourself. Okay. So the first one is when you're in face, in a situation where peer pressure is, is this going to lead to healthy habits? You know, positive peer pressure can lead someone to do things that are good for them, such as exercise or eat healthy or avoid smoking. When these healthy things become a habit, it can often be traced back to an instance of positive peer pressure. So the first question is, does it lead to healthy habits? The next one is, does this lead to good outcomes for others? When someone agrees to meet a friend at the gym every morning for exercise, that makes both of them accountable and healthier in the long run. When a friend insists on taking the key. So nobody drinks and drives. Everybody stays safe. Anything, any, anything pressure that leads to good outcomes for others is a positive thing. So is it a healthy habit? Does it lead to good outcomes for others? Does it make me feel good inside? I'm sorry, am I keeping you awake? Okay. It's really not. It's actually 1126 so it's almost lunchtime. No , I am. I know. So does this make me feel good? Being pushed to do something by well-meaning friends should make a person feel good about their decisions, whether it's choosing to study more often or to help someone in need. Uh, am I hesitant to do this as the next question? It's important to listen to instinct. Everybody has instinct. If something feels wrong, for whatever reason, it probably is good . You could just stop yawning for a little bit. You know, you're making me feel like I'm, I'm tying up here. Um, hesitation is the result of the subconscious throwing up a red flag saying, be aware and think this through. Um, does this make me feel bad about myself? And we talked about this one already. Pressure from well , friends should result in positive feelings. If instead a person experiences shame , doubt, or guilt or worries about consequences or takes a hit to their self esteem, it's almost always coming from negative peer pressure. Is this something I would prefer to hide? Is this something you'd feel comfortable discussing with friends or family? If you instinctively want to hide your action or behavior, it's negative. So the things to keep in mind, is it going to lead to healthy habits? Does it lead to good outcomes for others? Does it make me feel good inside? Am I hesitant to do this? Does it make me feel bad about myself? And is it something that I would prefer to hide? If you're going to answer all those questions and have a satisfactory answer, then you're good. If any of them come back with negative feelings or you know, red flags, then you know it's probably not something that you want to do. Um, we did have another section here, but I think we're gonna . I think we're going to skip that because we're running a little bit late here and I'm having a difficult time keeping you awake. So I think we'll , uh, we'll wrap it there. We'll come back, we'll get your closing thoughts and shout outs. All right.

Speaker 6:

[inaudible]

Speaker 4:

and I turn it over to you, my dear.

Speaker 5:

So for the audience is watching, I just want to say , um, I think it is important that you should notice what positive peer pressure and negative peer pressure are in your life. If someone is pushing you to do something that you know is not right and, and they say they'll have a negative consequence. If you don't agree to it, then just say, I don't care what you think because you're not the right person. I should be around and be around the people who only give you positive peer pressure.

Speaker 4:

Very good point. Any shout outs today?

Speaker 5:

Um, I guess I'll give a shout out to my positive friends who have only given me positive peer pressure and have helped me stay away from negative peer pressure.

Speaker 4:

Very good. And I think that will do it all. Uh , for us today. Uh, one thing I did want to point out is , uh, just once again what , uh, folks can do to reach out to us. You can hit us on our website@wwwdotinsightsinthethings.com. You can hit us on , uh, Facebook , uh , insights in the things podcast . You can hit us on youtube at insights , uh, into things , youtube.com/insights into things. Uh , you can hit the audio podcast also@podcastsdotinsightsintoteens.com and I think that's it for today and we'll be back next week with another great podcast. [inaudible] bye.

Speaker 6:

You Bet .