Insights Into Teens: Episode 56 "Motivation and Inspiration"

spk_0:   0:02
insightful podcast, informative hosts insights into a podcast network. Welcome to Insides Into teens, A podcast series exploring the issues and challenges of today's youth. Your hosts are Joseph and Madison Whalen, a father

spk_1:   0:38
and daughter team making their way through the challenges of the teenage years into insights into teens. This is Episode 56. Motivation and Inspiration on your host, Joseph Whelan in my mature and motivated co host, Madison Wailing.

spk_0:   1:06
Hello.

spk_1:   1:08
How you doing today, man?

spk_0:   1:09
Really good.

spk_1:   1:10
Have a good week this week.

spk_0:   1:12
Sort of.

spk_1:   1:13
That's really not as you, CASS, but okay.

spk_0:   1:17
Went slowly. Okay, That's really my only

spk_1:   1:20
OK. Eso this week, we will be talking motivation and inspiration. Um, you tell me what the medium motivation is to you.

spk_0:   1:32
A motivation is something that will is like, um, I guess we'll just have to picture a scenario at this tour. So if you're, um if you want to dio um, a sport and you want thio, um, be good at it. Um, motivation to your goal is like being inspired by others who have, um, done done similar activities to what you want to achieve.

spk_1:   2:12
Okay. Then what does inspiration mean?

spk_0:   2:16
Inspiration is basically, um, you

spk_1:   2:20
don't motivate someone. Do something.

spk_0:   2:22
Really? Um, basically inspiration is, um, something a person, um, receives, um, from someone else or some other factor. Okay, that, um that will ultimately help them accomplish your goal. Look, I'm sorry. I'm not good with definite,

spk_1:   2:50
I think I think you illustrate. Kind of what? Why we're doing this podcast, because they're difficult to define terms. So the way that the definitions and I found that I like the best were So what does vote? What does it mean? To motivate someone to make someone feel determined to do something or enthusiastic about doing it, Which I think is pretty much what you said about motivation.

spk_0:   3:16
Yeah.

spk_1:   3:17
What does it mean to inspire someone? The definition that I have for this is if someone or something inspires you to do something new or unusual, they make you want to do it. If someone or something inspires you, they give you new ideas and a strong feeling of enthusiasm. If a book work of art or action is inspiring by something, that thing is the source of the idea. For so what's the difference between motivation and inspiration? So inspiration is something that you feel on the inside. While motivation is something from the outside that compels you to take action, inspiration is a driving force. While motivation is a pulling force is another way to think of it. Some people believe that motivation is for lazy people while because they cannot be bothered to get things done. So a couple of different ways to look at it. And we're just going to sort of keep those definitions and examples in mind as we go through. So what we're gonna talk about this one's a pretty straightforward topic here. I think, um, I think we all kind of have an idea of what motivation and inspiration are. So we're gonna talk about tips for motivating people in general, and then we are going to talk about tips for motivating teens on. I think we'll find that it's a little bit different when we do it, okay, so we'll come back and we'll talk about tips for motivating people. So the background for this episode came from a website called Understanding teenagers dot com, and there's a couple of key things that they point out, and I wanna throw these at you and kind of get your ideas on. So the first tip that they have for motivation motivating people is asked the question. What's in it for? May? So if 13 doesn't understand what the task is to bless you,

spk_0:   5:40
thank you

spk_1:   5:41
has to do with them or their well being, there will be a struggle for them to find the desire to carry it out. So, for instance, um, you have to do a math assignment for school, and the teacher gives you, um, this math assignment, the one that we were working off the the polygon one that we're working on a science. So the teacher gives that to you and tells you how to do what's in it for you at that point.

spk_0:   6:12
Well, if you end up doing it, you will. Um, well, first off, you'll gain more knowledge, and that will eventually help you later on. And either your life if you choose to do something with geometry, or whether or whether it will just get you through the rest of school, plus the overall test grade, if you're actually able to do it well overall, Well, if you have ah, slightly lower grade will over we'll be able to improve. Um, your, um uh ah. Your overall average.

spk_1:   6:51
That's a very good point. So, for you in that instance, you had to motivating factors. You had the attainment of knowledge and you had the advancement of your academics. A lot of teenagers look for that kind of motivation. Um, it also goes on to say the teenagers long to feel significant. They want to demonstrate to themselves into the world that they matter and are capable of making a difference. Uh, do you think that that's a motivating factor for you? That you kind of want to show what you're made off, you know?

spk_0:   7:26
Yeah, Like, I don't want to be that kind of person that, um, is just like everybody else. I mean, I know we're all different, but I don't want to be the average human. I wantto be more above. I mean, I don't I mean, I'd be perfectly fine being average, but, like, who wants to be average? Really? Like

spk_1:   7:49
you didn't wake up to be average today, right?

spk_0:   7:51
Yeah. No.

spk_1:   7:52
So, Okay, here's a good example of this. You are telling me a story that you had in gym class today where you were motivated and you were motivated. I mean, for interesting reasons. But tell us that story.

spk_0:   8:10
Okay, so we were playing a game in gym called four Squares. It's basically, um there are four squares for players and you have to try toe hit a ball. If the ball bounces more than once in your square before you, If you don't hit it, then you're out. There's a server who's technically this place you want to be in. Um, it was one person gets out, you move from a square, and basically that's how I play the game. Okay. And there was this one kid who I was playing with who seemed to be a cheater, basically come whenever like he was supposed to get out. He's like, always blamed it on the other person, saying it hit the line. Is that the line when it really didn't And he would also, um, and he seemed to be making alliances with people who he thought was good, um, and so that he could keep his spot in the leadership. And basically, man, I think three other people who was a to other people he was aiming for um and I could just tell, and at one point he really did her my feelings because he just was a complete jerk. And I did end up getting a bit upset, but I decided to use that as a motivating factor to show him what I was made off,

spk_1:   9:29
right?

spk_0:   9:29
And what I did was I played harder. I was able to actually end up serving the ball for longer than anyone else had and literally the way I do that. It all worked in the end when we were had just finished around and it was near the end of gym class. He literally, like, said to me, Um, yeah, he said my name. And then he said, You want to make an alliance and I'm just like, Yeah, no thanks.

spk_1:   9:57
S O. So you used that bad sportsmanship that was getting on your nerves to motivate you to be a better player. In this case, that's a great example. So the next thing that they go on to talk about for tips is let them have a say. If your teenager feels like all they're being asked to do is to fit into your agenda, your timetable and conform to your way of doing things. They're not going to be terribly motivated. How important is it for you and motivating yourself to do things for youto have a saying what it is that you're doing?

spk_0:   10:37
Um, I definitely think it would be important for teenagers because the getting to that age, even though they might not be that mature But they're getting to a more mature age, and it's time to have them make some decisions. Like you guys have started doing that with me. Like you're like, Okay, where do you want to eat today? Um, what do you want to do today? Stuff like that.

spk_1:   11:04
So, like when we give you something to do a chore attempts to do and we say do it because I told you so Do you find that to be de motivating?

spk_0:   11:15
Um, in a way, if you like, just keep repeating Lee doing it. That can just be, um that can definitely be motivate someone. Because, like, there's no as we're going back to the, um, first motivating factor like they don't see why they should.

spk_1:   11:34
Right? Right. So in situations where we give you chores, we say all right. Such and such has to be done by a certain period of time. You do it. You figure out how to do it when you're gonna do it. Like, for instance, you have to do the laundry. Okay, Now you can start the laundry early, get it done fast and have all the time to yourself. We don't dictate how you how you do that laundry. That point. It's really entirely up to you. As long as the task is done by a certain time, you've got the freedom to do the task however you want. Do you find that? Helps you? Do you feel more empowered to the do those things and more motivated to do? Oh,

spk_0:   12:15
yeah. Because if, like, your parents tell you okay, you have to do this tour in a specific way, and if you don't do it, you're not gonna get anything or you're not, or they're just gonna give you some type of punishment or something.

spk_1:   12:28
Yeah, I'm one of the things that they say is set deadlines, which we D'oh. But give the teenagers the freedom to choose when and how the task itself is completed.

spk_0:   12:38
Yeah, that's like how my menu works like there's a certain amount of points you need to get in a certain amount of time. But there's also two different things you can do to get those points

spk_1:   12:48
right. That's another great example how the schools are now getting into that mindset now that you're finally to that age, that you can start taking responsibility for some of these things and they use that as a motivational factor.

spk_0:   13:01
Yeah,

spk_1:   13:02
so the next tip that they talk about, which is one, you know, I'm a big fan off, and that has let them learn from failure. When parents constantly step in and rescue their teens from failing, they undermine their teenagers ability to grow up. No parent wants to see their kids fail, which is true. But, um, it's a It's a thorough if it's through failure that we grow and learn to improve. And you know that's the philosophy that I have. It's okay to fail and make mistakes as long as you learn from them.

spk_0:   13:35
Yeah, because like, Aye, there's actually this one, um, quote that I learned from Albert Einstein, Um, and it's like hanging up in my skills room, and it's basically people who don't make mistakes. Don't try anything new.

spk_1:   13:51
That's a very good point.

spk_0:   13:52
Like if you like. If your parents constant. If, like if you constantly try to protect your child from their mistakes, they're never gonna learn from it. And like they'll just think, Oh, well, If I do this, nothing will happen because my parents will just protect me like I don't like. There's no consequences. They don't see the consequences and they like, instead of getting motivated to do the right thing, they're getting motivated to do the wrong thing.

spk_1:   14:20
And that's very important to point out, because what gives a task significance is the consequences and what's at stake if it doesn't get done. So if something doesn't get done, that's a motivational factor in and of itself where you're going to have to pay the consequences.

spk_0:   14:41
Yeah,

spk_1:   14:41
so that's a very good point. The next thing that they say, and this is something that parents and teachers do regularly, and that is to help them remember, it's not always the case that teenagers don't do things because they're not motivated. Often they failed to follow through simply because they forget and you know as bad as my memory is, I'll be the 1st 1 that sympathetic with somebody who forgets. Do you find getting reminders from from Mommy and Daddy or from your teachers for assignments to you, You feel that helps to motivate you to do them?

spk_0:   15:18
Yeah. I mean, like, um, I'll give a few examples like, um, you guys telling me to do the laundry? Like although Yes, they might be annoying, but they actually let they help me get the work done. And I'm more motivated than just like when I don't get any reminders. And it's just like the laundry sit for a day and I'm like It doesn't get dot

spk_1:   15:45
Sure. And there's a lot of things that are going on. The teen's life, and occasionally a reminder here in there to keep him on track is, is usually appreciate it. But you make a very good point that constant verbal reminders and nagging from a parent isn't the way to do it. That's gonna de motivate you, right?

spk_0:   16:04
Yeah, like if you constantly getting reminded by something like, um I mean, I don't really know a pretty good example. Slipped laundry? Yeah.

spk_1:   16:17
Hey, you know the laundry, Mrs. you.

spk_0:   16:19
Yeah, you guys sometimes nag me about that, but honestly, I'm I've took in it better than some kids might have. Like, some kids might have just been like they really don't care. Like, eventually, as it gets old, they eventually don't care, and they don't do it.

spk_1:   16:40
And, you know, there are ways that that you can teach teens to be more organized and remember, um uh, what they need to d'oh. So you know, there's some things you can use visual age, such a CZ charts and color coded timetables on the calendar, which we use rank. So we have our family counter that we set up each year each month rather well, technically, each year, too. But on there, each of us has a color that's associated with us and any appointments that we have our time, specific things that we have to take care of. And we put that up in the kitchen and we write all of our appointments for the month. You know what days you have to have stuff for school when your band lessons are when projects or do stuff like that.

spk_0:   17:32
When I'm I fell down missed appointments and Dennis appointment on the exact same day.

spk_1:   17:36
Right? Right. Um, so that's a tool that we can use. Um, you can set up routines. You know, one of the things that weaken we use for technologies. We use the Amazon echoes. And we can put timers in there and reminders, you know, brush your teeth, do your homework, whatever it is that you're gonna do. But there's tools out there that you can use. You can leave little hints around the house. You can leave little notes in your lunch box to remind you to do things or little notes on the medicine can that when you're brushing your teeth to remember things, um, or their zaps. You know, there's there's tons of APS out there to help you organize things. So there's different tools to help remind you it's not just about the parents nagging you to do something right.

spk_0:   18:23
Yeah,

spk_1:   18:25
um, the next thing that they talk about and this is another one we've spoken of in the past is make it achievable. Sometimes it's the size of the task that teenagers find difficult. It isn't that they don't want to do it, but rather they don't know where to start, and it looks to harm when you look at a big thing s So what's our philosophy mean? We've talked about it in the pockets before. What's our philosophy on tackling large tasks or tours or problems?

spk_0:   18:54
You take it one step at a time,

spk_1:   18:56
right? Right. You break it in the smaller parts and you accomplish those parts, and then you move on to the next one and you make it more achievable.

spk_0:   19:03
Yeah, I'm gonna sew and the example on our Gupta project like there was one section where we had to provide five fax from certain topic from the group to empire. Like it's work first, geometry in climate, like we took it a step at a time. We took one of the, um, one of the factors. And then we found five facts on it, and then we found and then we just continued until we ended up finishing all that

spk_1:   19:32
right, and we broke it down. We had we knew what was laid out in front of us, and it was a lot. We knew what had to be done by, and we did it 11 at a time. We did our five facts for each. And, you know, we had all those topics done in, what, two weeks and we still have several weeks left to finish it. We're almost dying. You just have to answer the questions based on the facts that we found. So he took what was really a two on the project, and we did the most most of it in over the course of two weeks.

spk_0:   20:08
Yeah,

spk_1:   20:10
um, so eager teens putting off getting started on something, it's sometimes helpful to sit down with them and find out how they're feeling about getting it done. Do you know where to start? You know, only sensible questions to ask. Uh, do you feel that you'll never be able to do it so you can't be bothered starting like that's That's one of the motivational factors or de motivational factors a lot of people have, where it's like, Well, I'm never gonna get that done in time, So I'm not gonna bother. And I'll tell you one thing. That's That's one of the de motivation factors and I have dealing with right now in my desk. You know, I went out. I bought a new desk that needs to be put together and putting furniture together is not my forte. Yeah. Okay, so I rely on Mommy to help with that. But my biggest problem is that set up that I have at my desk now is so cluttered and so involved. You know, I've spent four weeks now trying to clean it up, but I'm still not even. There s so it's one of those things where I just need to get off my butt and get it done at this point in time. So I kind of have to motivate myself to do it.

spk_0:   21:21
Yeah.

spk_1:   21:23
So the next thing they talk about is incentives and this kind of it's not the same as what's in it for me. Incentives. Um, when we're talking about incentives here, um, it's more specific. So, for instance, um, not all tests have an obvious intrinsic consequence, uh, to be used for motivation. You know, some schools assignments just need to be done. You there may not be a direct benefit academically or whatever for you. Some shores don't seem to make a great deal of difference, but they still need to be done for quality night of life. You know, If you don't vacuum the floor, the world's not gonna end. You're not gonna have dirty clothes or whatever, but you still need to empty the trash and vacuum the floor. You still need to do that. So when it comes to that type of thing, um, then get into the reward aspect of what's in it for you. Um so, for instance, by offering a reward for an effort or an improvement, um, or participation in something you can reinforce the values of trying to stick with something in, persevere and deal with it. Um, one thing that we do for you is there's a financial benefit to you doing your chores and this stems. You know, from my part, it stems from me being a kid and didn't have you know, a job when I was your age. And, you know, I wanted stuff so my parents would give me chores to do. My job was once a week, I would take the trash. L put the trash out by the curb. I got a couple of bucks from that in the summer time. If my my dad wanted work done out in the yard, I work with a mountain of yard, and he'd give me a couple of bucks, too, you know, buy a video game or something like that. Someone always believed in earning that money. Tell us a little bit about some of the rewards that you getting. You know they're going to monetary values or anything, but tell us what? How? It's a motivating factor for you and and the effect that it has on you.

spk_0:   23:44
Um, well, I'll start off by saying shores. I mean, most people who do chores normally get paid for it. Um, and that can definitely be a motivating factor for anybody. Because basically, you want money so you can get stuff that you wanna, um, play with an enjoy.

spk_1:   24:04
So you do something, you perform a labor and you get a reward just like a regular job.

spk_0:   24:10
Yeah, but there's also another factor that comes into it. And it's the I don't know how to really say it. Um, what's material? Um, what does materialistic mean? Quickly. I just want

spk_1:   24:23
materialistic kids. You you want things? You you want nice gadgets and those clothes, you know, it's there's an intrinsic value to the things.

spk_0:   24:34
Yeah, that's the materialistic one mine. There's another one I have. And it's more of the, um I don't know, maybe, and tore award or I don't know how to say it emotional.

spk_1:   24:49
I

spk_0:   24:49
don't know. It's like whenever I'm able to get my center's done in the l A. Um, and the fact I'm able to get a 100 by the end. That is a motivating factor for me because I want to get that 100. I mean, I don't get really any awards besides a good grade

spk_1:   25:06
personal satisfaction is what you're getting there.

spk_0:   25:09
Okay, there we go. That's the word.

spk_1:   25:10
Yeah, S so there's a There's a prion and like when you're earning money, when you know it's different. If if I give you $20 that's a whole different feeling than if you've work to do laundry or clean for an hour to ing you make $20.

spk_0:   25:27
Yeah, that's why I like whenever you guys pay me earlier, I'm like, I'm okay. I'll just turn it

spk_1:   25:35
right. And if you're very you handle that money very differently because to you there's a direct value associated with that money. When you earn it, you know you work for that this $20 was an hour or two worth of my effort of doing something, And you tend to be much more. Ah, frugal, much more protective of that $20. And if it was just something you got for your birthday or something, because you earned it, you know, you understand the value of the dollar win when you work for that reward.

spk_0:   26:09
Yeah. And some teenager, just like I don't even care if they earned it or not. They just care that they got the money,

spk_1:   26:16
right? So the other motivating factor that we have a reward tied to is your grades. Tell us about that one.

spk_0:   26:22
Um, that one is basically, since I'm a straight A student, um, I'm basically paid to get straight A's. In a way.

spk_1:   26:32
You are give us details.

spk_0:   26:34
I don't want to go too much into the, um, money value, but, um, I get a pretty decent amount forgetting for bringing home good days.

spk_1:   26:45
Right. So your your reward is tied to bringing in a in each grade, each great. You bring in a in like, the requirement isn't to get straight A's for every day that you bring home. There's a monetary reward for each, eh?

spk_0:   27:01
Yeah.

spk_1:   27:02
If one marking period, you bring home five A's, you make a certain amount of one you bring in six, you make more. So it's that motivating factor. Not only that self satisfaction we talked about of getting the A, which you obviously enjoy. There is a motivating factor there. So that's sort of part of the whole idea of okay. And it doesn't always have to be money. You know, it could be Finish all your homework and we'll go get ice cream. Or if you bring home straight A's this year, then we'll go to Disney for summer vacation. Could be anything along those lines.

spk_0:   27:42
Yeah, like when? Um, I was into the little teen Titan toys. Um, whenever I did something like it was that Ah, my band concert. Um, you had gone the ones at the store, and every time I did something good or something that you thought I earned something, I earned a little reward. You would give one to me.

spk_1:   28:07
Exactly. And it's those little things and and sometimes those rewards don't have a goal in mind. Sometimes it's okay. You didn't have any issues this week in school or you had good days this week or you're just looking on the bright side. You're being positive this week in school. Let's take you out for a little treat or something like that. It's those motivational things to try to steer that that behavioral pattern as well. So it's not doesn't just have to be tied to goals or tasks or something like that. It could be just something to look forward to, you know?

spk_0:   28:45
Yeah.

spk_1:   28:46
So the last thing last point that they make here is, um, if you want your team to do something, make it fun. That's always a great motivating factor. Um, this motivational principle applies to people of all ages, not just teens. Most people are more motivated to do something fun rather than something boring. Funds a key ingredient to getting teens active and motivated the participating in social activities. And I emphasize social activities because a lot of teens do not like to get involved in social activities, cause it's a very awkward time, right, So if you want your team to get out of the house and get active and make new friends explore them, what activities it is they enjoyed doing and encourage them to do it. For instance, um, you let go a little fun Plaques.

spk_0:   29:43
Yeah,

spk_1:   29:44
Well, maybe one weekend we take one or two or your friends and you up to the farm plaques and get you out and get your socializing and having some fun.

spk_0:   29:52
Yeah,

spk_1:   29:54
maybe we go to the park, and maybe your friends hang out at the park. Maybe we kick you out of the house and have you play with the kids in the neighborhood.

spk_0:   30:05
Oh, I was just about to say, if you actually pick me

spk_1:   30:07
out, um, remember what you joy may not be what your team's enjoy. So sometimes we drag you two things that you might not enjoy. You still have to dome. So what mommy and Daddy tend to do is try to make it fun front of make make there be something for you to do. We go to a convention that you're not particularly interested in. We'll try to find something at that convention that might pique your interest.

spk_0:   30:36
Yeah, And like, there's also another motivating factor that goes on my brain at that point because I know you both enjoy it. um And I don't want to let you down or get you upset because I don't like seeing people upset, let alone my own parents. So I had to keep that back to in mind.

spk_1:   30:53
Yeah, like, you don't want to disappoint us, but something like that typically wouldn't. But we certainly appreciate you wanting to allow us to enjoy the things that we d'oh. And by doing that, then we go out of our way to ensure you have an opportunity to enjoy the things that you enjoy. So it's a give and take ST.

spk_0:   31:15
Yeah.

spk_1:   31:16
So that was what we had for that segment will come back and we'll talk about and a segment really directed towards the parents that our tips for inspiring your teens. Okay, so these tips come from a website called the positive mom dot com. How much nicer of a website could that be? Right?

spk_0:   31:41
Yeah.

spk_1:   31:42
So the first thing that they say is they say be proactive. Being proactive means equipping our kids with tools to be prepared and inspired to be productive and to do something meaningful With their time year round, your teenager has complete control of their attitude. Their choices, their language, their behavior. You get the point. Yeah. Um, this particular round says I didn't like these when I first learned them, but it's something you have under control you. It's there's something you have utter control of as a parent, um, being a healthy role model, you know, that's really the one thing as apparent, we can be everything else, Really. The teens in charge of, um So their suggestion here, from a proactive standpoint, has become the person that's worthy of your teens. Admiration, Um, this is an area that I'll be the 1st 1 to admit it. Um, I probably did not do very well with, um earlier, Wrong with Sam. My son. Your brother, Um, he for the longest time, looked up to me and admired me, and and I don't think I lived up to it as well as I could have with him. Um, and as a result, I'm suffering for it now on, and I think it had an adverse effect on him. So one of the things that I am trying to do is try to be more worthy event with you. Um and I hope I hope I am Emily?

spk_0:   33:31
Yep. Of course.

spk_1:   33:32
Jacket. They go on to say, in order to become a powerful influence on your teen's life, you must start by listening to their thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, worries and fears. Oh, are Mommy and Daddy good listeners to you?

spk_0:   33:50
Of course you are. Like you actually say that. Like sometimes it's best not to try and, um uh, fix someone's problems. But it's better to just listen. Like when Mommy has a bad day at work. Um, she and she needs to lash out. Or if I have a bad day at school, Sometimes it just helps to listen because you don't always have the solution. I definitely think you guys definitely listen to me and listen to my opinions. Um um and I thank you for that. Um

spk_1:   34:24
well, one of the things they also say is, um, toe ask meaningful questions. So you understand your son or daughter's temperament and what she's passionate about and what moves them and what drives her and your goals in your dreams. And I have to tell you when I see you get passionate about something or get interested in something Ah, like when you brought your story down to read that to me, that inspires May that that makes me ah, want to be more involved and to spend that time. In fact, we're gonna be doing a podcast on it next week on your artistic side, and I'm very much looking forward to it. I'm very excited about what we're gonna be able to do with it. Eso seeing that passion ing you stars that passion in May for art and creativity. Um, they say you could motivate a team temporarily to comply with your request, but inspiring them requires that you know what their core identity is and your core identity is changing. It's gonna change, be changing for several years now. Um, and I think part of the problem that I ran into ah, with Sam is that I lost touch with that. You know, I had frozen salmon time at 10 years older, 12 years old, and that was sort of the image that I kept of him for the next few years. And and I didn't give him the freedom to change in my perception, you know, And by holding on to that that stale perception it was a few years old. I think that kind of hurt our relationship. So I think the one thing that I learned from that, um, is thio kind of go with the ebb and flow as as you change and evolve and I see it. I see it like, almost on a daily basis. You know, where we will get into these habits and we'll do something for a little while. And then your your taste changing your style changes in your interest change. Ah, and I used to be afraid of that with Sam because, you know, with Sam, I knew that there was gonna come a time where he wasn't gonna wanna hang out anymore. And and that scared me, you know? But I think it's different with you now in seeing that and being a part of it. You know, I got to see Sam once a week, so I didn't get to be a part of it with Sam. I got to be an observer with Sam. So seeing you change and being here while you're changing and while your interest change and and seeing how you evolve and being directly involved with that, I think if I had that opportunity with Sam, things probably would have been a little bit different. Um, but it's it's inspiring to May to see that in you on that leads to the next one, which I think is a direct relation and that is to be present. A parent's most secret duty is to nurture their Children. Being present means speaking. Your teens love language to communicate. You love them. Don't you know what love languages?

spk_0:   38:11
Not really, No.

spk_1:   38:12
Okay, we're gonna do a podcast on this because I know it's not what you think it is. Love languages how you communicate with someone

spk_0:   38:21
on

spk_1:   38:21
and there is a There's a test to do this with. And Mommy had had turned me on to the test. Ah, a friend first Katie had turned her on to it. And you go through and you answer these questions as to how things affect you like Are you Maur inclined to, um, shows of affection? Are you more inclined? Do you respond to people doing something for you? Um, saying nice things to you. Buying you things That everything like what? How are you most responsive? What do you like? How do you like to be treated really is what it iss. And when other people know how you like to be treated and they treat you that way, then the relationship is much better. So I think we're going to do a podcast on that. I was debating whether or not to, but I think it's worthwhile to do it. So, uh, where was I? So being present means giving her teen your undivided attention even when they tell you they don't want it. And I think I think I'm overbearing enough with you to do that, aren't I? Yep. Because there are times that you come home and you're angry. You're irritated and don't want to be bothered. And what do I D'oh?

spk_0:   39:44
Well, just to get my kids,

spk_1:   39:45
that's right. And I don't do it. Do it. No, you I do it so that you know that. You know, when I see you like that, I can't just walk away because if if I just walked away and let you bay, then it was like art. Well, I don't I don't have time for you don't want to be bothered. But when I see that you're upset or there's something bothering you, I want to know about it. What No hanger day was. I wantto Did you have a bad day? Did you have a good day? Is there anything I can do to help your day? Like, let's let's talk about it. Let's find out. Um, that's kind of why I like having those talks. You know, if you're not calling me at work because I'm busy, I like having those talks over dinner and finding out how your day waas. Um, because I'm not there all day, you know, I don't I don't get to see you all day, so sort of getting that summer. Indiana today is important. So they say, Put away the digital devices and look at your team, really, really connect with him or her and ask them open, honest and vulnerable questions. We do this podcast once a week, and there's a lot of vulnerable questions that come up. There's a lot of emotions that come out, and we do it as much for the audience to try and educate the audience and help the audience get through a lot of these things. But really, it's it's you and I talking about these things and we only do these once a week, but we have our other chance the rest of the week. So, you know, for the parents out there, it's important. Teoh be there and listen and be involved in in a long. Parents are concerned about their kids and all kids want to be heard. They want to have a voice, all people do. You know, nobody wants to be neglected, so it could generally interested and really engaged, the more enriching the conversation. You know, you and I will sit and talk about silly things for an hour, two hours, and eventually, You know, that conversation turns to important things. And I think that time is very well spent when we do that, Yeah. So and the last thing that they talk about here and this is one that I think I try to have carried you to do whenever possible, and that is to be positive. Ah, there are Teams seem to forget how wonderful they are. Their brain is still developing, and we can still encourage them, reassure them and affirm them so they can continue to see the abilities gifts. I'm positive characteristics and attributes that they have. Um Everybody has bad days, and sometimes we get down on ourselves if we, you know, don't do as well on a test that we thought we should have or someone said something or done something to us. But it's important to to be positive and I think are you know, that starts with the parents. We have to let our kids know that you know, nobody's perfect. We all make mistakes. But you know what? You dust yourself off, you get up and you get right back at it, being positive and helping them see that they're capable and they're worthy of our love and respect. Andi, I think that's probably the most important thing about parents. You know, it's not that it's not just that we love you, it's that you deserve that love. You know, you are that special and you are that important, that you deserve that love from us. And again, we have to love you because we're your kids. And I think you know, there's some unwritten law that says that, but but we love you because you deserve to be loved whether you bring home straight A's or not. You know, even if you don't you? One marking period. You brought home a big and neither mommy nor Daddy went on up getting upset over you over that. But you were pretty tough on yourself a that point. So and it's okay did to have the driving motivation and want to be good, But you have to understand that we're not perfect. So So what do you think about those?

spk_0:   44:04
Ah, I definitely think they're all very important factors for parents tohave to help motivate you teen because teens have a lot on their mind like we said before and having that driving force from the parents to have them motivated. And for the parents to be interactive with the kids is definitely helpful. Because, like you said before, everyone wants attention. No one wants to be neglected. And generally the people who are neglected don't end up being motivated to do anything at all.

spk_1:   44:36
Right? So before we closed out to, uh, your closing remarks and shouts, let me ask you, do you feel motivated and inspired on a day to day basis?

spk_0:   44:51
Yes, I d'oh, um, I'm always trying to be motivated for, like, healer, schoolwork or two, Uh um, to at least Mom become a better person. I always feel a CZ, though. I want to be motivated for some reason. Um, at least one every day. Hopefully.

spk_1:   45:16
Okay, let me ask you one final question. What do you find? You tend to draw your motivation and inspiration from,

spk_0:   45:26
um I definitely draw most of it from you and Mommy because you guys have been very positive role models for me. U um, I definitely developed some of your personality traits. I mean, issue, sadly, some of the bad ones as well. But

spk_1:   45:44
it's you,

spk_0:   45:45
but I've definitely, um you've definitely taught me how to learn from my mistakes, not to be so hard on myself, be a bit more positive, even though that doesn't always work. Be a little more social. And you've definitely told me a lot of life skills that will eventually motivate me to drive my, um, boat forward, I suppose.

spk_1:   46:06
Okay, we will come back and we will get your closing remarks for the audience. Go for closing remarks

spk_0:   46:21
already. Everyone, motivation. It's something we all are probably gonna have to experience, no matter what parents out there who have teenagers. Please try to be interactive. with, um, everyone needs attention. As we said before, no matter what, Um, your teen is going the one attention in some way or another. If you don't give them out of that attention, they're not motivated. They're not going to be motivated enough to do something. And then what? Probably won't be able to find their passions, and they won't develop as well. If you aren't interactive with, um,

spk_1:   46:58
okay, that was a good closing remarks segment. I think that will do it for us today. Before we go, we do want to give you some contact information. If you want to give us an email with your thoughts and feedback, you can email us it comments at insights into things dot com. You could check us out on the Web at www dot insights into things dot com. Our video podcasts are available on YouTube at YouTube's dot com slash insights into things You can get our video podcast. I'm sorry, our audio podcast at Pod Care. Stop insights into teens dot com. You can check us out streaming weekly on twitch at twitch dot tv slash insights in the things we're on. Facebook at facebook dot com slash insights into things podcast. Or you can get us on Twitter at insights. Underscore things,

spk_0:   47:58
and you can find our other two podcasts Insides in entertainment Hosted by you and Mommy. And in sentinel Tomorrow, a monthly podcast hosted by you and my brother Sam.

spk_1:   48:08
Very good. I think we're done already. We're out of here,

spk_0:   48:12
everyone

spk_1:   48:13
by