Insights Into Teens

Insights Into Teens Episode 186: Boundaries Matter

March 18, 2024 Madison and Joseph Whalen Season 6 Episode 186
Insights Into Teens Episode 186: Boundaries Matter
Insights Into Teens
More Info
Insights Into Teens
Insights Into Teens Episode 186: Boundaries Matter
Mar 18, 2024 Season 6 Episode 186
Madison and Joseph Whalen

Discovering the right balance of personal boundaries can be a daunting journey, one that my daughter Madison and I know all too well. As we reunite in this episode of Insights Into Teens, we delve into the intricate world of boundaries—those unseen yet pivotal lines that protect our well-being. We navigate through the emotional landscapes of adolescents, discussing how vital it is to establish physical, emotional, and mental boundaries while also recognizing the challenges and profound impact relational trauma can have on their formation. Our candid conversation serves as a guide for young individuals striving to reclaim their power in setting boundaries and the necessity of building relationships founded on mutual respect and understanding.

Our personal experiences become the canvas as we paint the picture of struggles with boundaries that are either too permeable or overly rigid. I recount times when my own defenses were so weak that I became susceptible to external influences, as well as moments when fortifying my walls too fiercely led to isolation. Madison and I reflect on the dangers of creating impenetrable boundaries, which may result in disconnection and hinder genuine human connections. We stress the significance of maneuvering the delicate balance between allowing ourselves to be vulnerable to meaningful experiences while also guarding against potential risks, recognizing that it is an ongoing process with room for improvement.

No Credits Rolled, where we play the games you love but rarely finish them!

Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched!
Start for FREE

An original podcast by a husband and wife team of self professed pop-culture geeks. It is a discussion about all things entertainment from movies and music to television and pop culture. We examine some of the more obscure aspects of the entertainment industry.

Create Harmony

This is a podcast about setting an intentional rhythm, savoring life’s blessings and...

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched!
Start for FREE

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Discovering the right balance of personal boundaries can be a daunting journey, one that my daughter Madison and I know all too well. As we reunite in this episode of Insights Into Teens, we delve into the intricate world of boundaries—those unseen yet pivotal lines that protect our well-being. We navigate through the emotional landscapes of adolescents, discussing how vital it is to establish physical, emotional, and mental boundaries while also recognizing the challenges and profound impact relational trauma can have on their formation. Our candid conversation serves as a guide for young individuals striving to reclaim their power in setting boundaries and the necessity of building relationships founded on mutual respect and understanding.

Our personal experiences become the canvas as we paint the picture of struggles with boundaries that are either too permeable or overly rigid. I recount times when my own defenses were so weak that I became susceptible to external influences, as well as moments when fortifying my walls too fiercely led to isolation. Madison and I reflect on the dangers of creating impenetrable boundaries, which may result in disconnection and hinder genuine human connections. We stress the significance of maneuvering the delicate balance between allowing ourselves to be vulnerable to meaningful experiences while also guarding against potential risks, recognizing that it is an ongoing process with room for improvement.

No Credits Rolled, where we play the games you love but rarely finish them!

Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched!
Start for FREE

An original podcast by a husband and wife team of self professed pop-culture geeks. It is a discussion about all things entertainment from movies and music to television and pop culture. We examine some of the more obscure aspects of the entertainment industry.

Create Harmony

This is a podcast about setting an intentional rhythm, savoring life’s blessings and...

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched!
Start for FREE

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

Speaker 1:

Insightful Podcasts by Informative Posts. Insights Into Things. Welcome to Insights Into Teens, a podcast series exploring the issues and challenges of today's youth. Your hosts are Joseph and Madison Whalen, a father and daughter team making their way through the challenges of the teenage years.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to Insights Into Teens. This is Episode 186, boundaries Matter. I'm your host, joseph Whalen, and my confident and resilient co-host, madison Whalen.

Speaker 3:

Hi everyone.

Speaker 2:

How are you doing today, Maddie?

Speaker 3:

I'm doing all right.

Speaker 2:

Okay, I know it's been quite some time since we've been on the air for a fresh podcast. Yep, I think our last podcast was what? Early December?

Speaker 2:

About yeah, we had planned on taking the time around the holidays off, which we did, and we were going to start back up after the holidays. Then I had a came down with a cold, and you came down with a cold, and this and that and everything else, and we had various reasons that kept us out of the studio, but we are back. We are live as of right now, though, when people watch the recording, we won't be. We'll be alive, but not live.

Speaker 3:

Yep.

Speaker 2:

Anything. Any big announcements. One big announcement we picked up an affiliate podcast on the network. Sam, our host of insights into tomorrow, has started up his own gaming podcast. No credits rolled, he's up to episode four on that Both episodes will be coming out. Episode three and four will be coming out on Monday. So that's exciting. Anything else exciting that we've got to catch up on.

Speaker 3:

I mean there probably is stuff, it's just I don't really. I can't really think of anything right now.

Speaker 2:

See next time we're off this long. We kind of have to make a list of things, that's true, but today we're talking about boundaries matter. Healthy boundaries are crucial for adolescents to cultivate positive relationships and maintain mental well-being. Addressing unhealthy boundaries and potential relational trauma is achievable, leading to the development of authentic connections through dealing and supportive relationships. On today's episode of insights into teens, we'll discuss where healthy boundaries end and unhealthy ones begin and how to deal with such circumstances.

Speaker 2:

But before we do that, I want to take a moment to invite our listening and viewing audience to subscribe to the podcast.

Speaker 2:

You can find audio versions of this podcast listed as insights into teens, and you can find audio and video versions of all the networks podcast listed as insights into things, and we're available on Apple podcasts, Spotify, Google iHeartRadio, et cetera pretty much anywhere you get a podcast these days. I would also invite you to write in, give us your feedback, tell us how we're doing, give us suggestions on what you'd like us to talk about, and email us at commentsandinsightsintethingscom. We are on Twitter or X at insights underscore things, or you can find all of our links and all of our episodes on our primary website at wwwinsightsintothingscom. Are we ready? Sure, here we go. So the purpose of boundaries, Navigating the complex landscape of relationships and maintaining our mental well-being can feel like a real challenge, especially during our teenage years. That's where the concept of healthy boundaries steps in, becoming a fundamental aspect of our lives that shapes the way we connect with others and safeguard our emotional and psychological health.

Speaker 3:

Even healthy boundaries is the invisible threads that weave our connections together. There are more than just limits they're the bedrock upon which positive relationships are built, ensuring that our emotional and mental landscapes remain intact. These boundaries are like the signposts that help us define what's acceptable and what's not all while nurturing our sense of self-respect and individuality. They are the secret ingredient that turns ordinary interactions into genuine and enriching relationships.

Speaker 2:

Our journey towards understanding boundaries often begins with our caregivers, our parents or primary role models. They teach us, both through their words and actions, about the unspoken rules of engagement in the world. But sometimes, when boundaries seem blurred or even dysfunctional, it might be a sign that the family dynamic has encountered disruptions, possibly linked to what we call relational trauma. On packing and addressing these issues becomes a vital step in forming healthy boundaries.

Speaker 3:

What's truly remarkable is that we have the power to rewrite our boundary narrative, even if our early lessons were unclear. Adolescents are incredibly resilient beings, capable of learning the art of authentic connections despite past setbacks. Rebuilding relationships with our parents is a crucial starting point. This mending process equips us with the foundation we need to establish secure and healthy boundaries. Building strong connections with mentors, friends and role models like teachers, counselors and therapists further enhances our understanding of boundaries and real, heartfelt interact.

Speaker 2:

Boundaries are like shields that protect our emotional and mental sanctuaries from external intrusions, all while ensuring we don't inadvertently hurt others. There are three major types of boundaries, including physical boundaries. These are the invisible bubbles that define our personal space. They determine who can enter our personal zone and under what circumstances, shielding us from unwanted physical contact and giving us the comfort we need.

Speaker 3:

There's also emotional boundaries. Think of these as your emotional guardians. They keep out negative emotional energies from others, preventing manipulation and ensuring that no one exploits your feelings.

Speaker 2:

We also have mental boundaries. These are the guardians of our thoughts. They fend off hurtful words, ideas and judgments, preserving our sense of self-worth and mental well-being.

Speaker 3:

And what are the rewards of these healthy boundaries? Well, they're enormous. A solid boundary system empowers us to take control of our emotional, mental and even physical health. By setting boundaries, we're sending out a strong signal that our well-being matters and we demand respect and protection. These boundaries pave the way for mutual respect and understanding in our relationships, creating an environment where genuine connections can thrive and flourish.

Speaker 2:

Healthy boundaries aren't just limits.

Speaker 2:

They're the very fabric that holds our emotional balance and our capacity to form real, meaningful relationships. Whether we're learning from our caregivers, working through past relational struggles or grasping the layers of different boundary types, it's all part of the journey towards building a healthier, towards building healthier connections and enhancing our overall mental well-being. One of the things that I've noticed as you've grown up is the boundaries change and they evolve, and I would even venture to say that there are more boundaries that go up for privacy sake. But the one thing that I will say is that, while there are a lot of boundaries that go into place for all these protections, those boundaries are dependent on trust and understanding. You know, I trust that you're going to take the freedoms that we give you and use them responsibly and you're not going to violate that trust. Do you feel as though the boundaries that you have set now are comfortable for you? Do you feel they're overly burdensome? Do you feel they don't go far enough? What are your thoughts on the boundaries that you live with today on a day-to-day basis?

Speaker 3:

I think, for the most part, I feel fine with all the boundaries that I live with. When it comes to, I guess, specifically the boundaries that we all set for each other, I feel like they're pretty fine. There's, you know, there's. I definitely think that we have all three boundaries to a certain extent, and I don't feel it could be better, probably also could be a lot worse, but I feel like for now, they're pretty good.

Speaker 2:

So how would you describe your own set of boundaries and relationships today? Are there specific situations where you find it challenging to maintain these boundaries, and how do you handle them?

Speaker 3:

I do tend to set my own boundaries with a lot of people, and it can kind of vary. For me, I feel like for the most part everyone kind of understands my boundaries, although sometimes it can be a little. There's small instances where my boundaries are kind of crossed, but it's never anything like super serious. It's just I need to have, like I need to probably communicate a little better. But other than that, I have set boundaries for some people and other boundaries for other people. One of the examples is physical touch in the sense of when it comes to my family, I'm good with hugs, high fives, handshakes, you guys. I'm most comfortable being physically affected.

Speaker 2:

Getting punched in the arm when you twitch or that.

Speaker 3:

But like when it comes to my friends, I've kind of found that with almost anybody else, like I'm fine with hugs, but I don't want people to just hug me immediately with like no warning or like I can't even really see myself hugging a lot of my friends just like spontaneously. I usually have them ask me or I ask them. It's.

Speaker 2:

Right. So the unsolicited mutual type of contact is something that you don't welcome. That doesn't mean you're not opposed to that kind of contact, but it has to be in the right context and it has to be under the right circumstances.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, and I mean like with you guys, I still ask if I can hug you. But I do think I'm more comfortable when it comes to hugging, at least in that sense, with you guys than I am with my friends. Like I picture myself hugging you guys way more than I picture myself hugging any of my friends.

Speaker 2:

Right Now, I get that. I get that. How do you protect your emotional and mental well-being in your interactions with others? What boundaries are instantaneous? What are your default boundaries when you interact with other people that you might not necessarily have a close relationship with?

Speaker 3:

Well, my default boundaries are I'd like not to be touched by someone I'm not that close to, like I can do like high fives, but even then it's like I don't know. That's definitely one of the boundaries I put up. When it comes to the mental and emotional sort of part of that, I usually kind of just prefer more generic like talking points rather than like some more deep and heavy talking points relating to like, say, we're talking about school and like. Instead of telling them talking about like how stressed I am or like all these other like mental issues I'm dealing with when it comes to school, I might just we might just talk about like oh yeah, school's not all that fun, or whatever, and like we just talk about like hobbies that we like or whatever.

Speaker 2:

Right Now. Have you run into situations where people have tried, either deliberately or inadvertently, to cross these boundaries of yours, and when that happens, what's your reaction? How do you deal with that?

Speaker 3:

Well, I do have one friend that crosses my boundaries, but in the sense of trying to help me, that friend I've known since I was in high school. We kind of bonded over being in the same class together and they deliberate. I remember they told me that they deliberately want to push my boundaries so that I can experience more things because I am, I kind of shelter myself a lot and that's what I'm comfortable with, and they want to take me out of that comfort zone and actually experience new things, which I feel like is a genuinely good thing. It's just I'm not always super comfortable with it, but otherwise I do feel like it's something good and it's great that they're trying to help me with that and they've gotten me to do some stuff and get out of my comfort zone a little more. But that's kind of the best example I can come up with.

Speaker 2:

Well, and I think that's a really good example, because I think there's something worthwhile in pushing those boundaries and pushing it. That's how we evolve as people, right, you know, that's how you experience new things. If you're going to hunker down and I don't want to say hide, that kind of sounds detrimental, but like if you want to stay in that comfort zone behind your boundaries, that's fine, but it also limits what you're going to experience in life. Pushing those boundaries oftentimes allow you to experience things you might not normally have, that you might enjoy, that you wouldn't normally have done. The caution that you have to have there is those boundaries are in place to protect you. You put these boundaries up, you know what your limits are and if you're pushed beyond those limits, it can make for a very uncomfortable situation. So, as long as the person who's trying to expand your boundaries and I think that's probably a better way to express it is expand them, not press them or challenge them, the person who's trying to help you expand your boundaries, as long as they do it in a encouraging and non-aggressive way, it gives you that opportunity to push back and say all right, look, I tried this. It didn't really work out for me, let's back off a little bit. As long as they don't keep pushing that point and they respect your decision, then it's a safe relationship, I think. So we're going to take a quick break and when we come back we'll talk about the types of dysfunctional boundaries. We'll be right back.

Speaker 2:

For over seven years, the Second Sith Empire has been the premier community guild in the online game Star Wars the Old Republic, with hundreds of friendly and helpful active members, a weekly schedule of nightly events, annual guild meet and greets and an active community both on the web and on Discord. The Second Sith Empire is more than your typical gaming group. We're family. Join us on the StarForge server for nightly events such as operations, flashpoints, world Boss Hunts, star Wars Trivia, guild Lottery and much more. Visit us on the web today at wwwthesecantsefempirecom.

Speaker 3:

Welcome back to Insights and the Teens. Today we're talking about how I was not prepared for this. That's okay. Today we're talking about why boundaries matter, and now we're going to talk about types of dysfunctional boundaries. Dysfunctional boundaries can manifest in distinct patterns, creating challenges in how we relate to others and navigate our emotional landscape. These patterns can be categorized in two primary types being excessively open and vulnerable are having boundaries that are exclusively impenetrable.

Speaker 2:

When our boundaries are too open and vulnerable, we become highly receptive to the influence of others' words and actions, impacting us profoundly on emotional, mental and even physical levels. This heightened sensitivity can lead us feeling defenseless and incapable of safeguarding ourselves from external forces. In such circumstances, we might even convince ourselves that it's someone else's responsibility to shield us from harm. Paradoxically, despite seeking closeness in connection with others as a means of protection, we struggle to feel genuinely secure. The innate desire for safety clashes with the inherent risk of vulnerability, creating an ongoing tension that prevents us from achieving the sense of safety we seek. Conversely, when our boundaries become excessively impenetrable, we encounter a different set of challenges.

Speaker 3:

One challenge that we can face through this is disconnection from the world. The strong barriers we erect can lead us to feel disconnected from the world around us. Our reluctance to engage with authenticity and vulnerability closes us off from meaningful interactions, preventing us from truly experiencing life's riches.

Speaker 2:

Struggle to form genuine connections is another risk. Impenetrable boundaries can hinder our ability to form authentic connections with others. By keeping people to distance, we unintentionally deprive ourselves of the potential for deep and meaningful relationships.

Speaker 3:

Difficulty in understanding others is another risk. The rigid walls we build around ourselves create difficulties in understanding and empathizing with others. We find it challenging to accept and grasp their emotions, thoughts and behaviors, resulting in a lack of connection and empathy.

Speaker 2:

And the final risk is blocking meaningful connections. While these boundaries are meant to protect us from potential harm, they also block the entry of positive experiences and connections. The fear of being hurt leads us to shut out not only negative influences, but also the potential for joy, growth and authentic relationships.

Speaker 3:

The spectrum of dysfunctional boundaries highlights the delicate balance between openness and protection that we all strive to achieve. Whether overly open or impenetrable, these patterns can hinder our ability to foster healthy relationships and navigate the complexities of human connection. Recognizing these patterns and finding ways to strike a harmonious balance is crucial for cultivating meaningful and fulfilling interactions, while safeguarding our emotional well-being.

Speaker 2:

So have you ever felt that your boundaries were too open, allowing others, words or actions to deeply affect you?

Speaker 3:

Probably. I do know that, especially when I was younger, specifically in sixth grade. Yes, I'm bringing that up yet again.

Speaker 2:

That was a rough time for you, man.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I ended up having a lot of fights with a close friend of mine and we said stuff to each other that we never actually meant, but it always hurt when it happened and I kind of feel like I did kind of let whatever they said to me get to me a little too much and whenever anyone said anything to me, I took it to heart. So, yeah, especially before I learned how to emotionally, how to control some of my emotions, I was a little more open with my boundaries and I did, and other people's words did hurt me.

Speaker 2:

So can you think of a time when you might have put up strong barriers to protect yourself but it resulted in feeling disconnected or isolated, where those barriers kind of backfired on?

Speaker 3:

you. Probably that was almost the immediate after effect of having two open boundaries. I was kind of like, okay, I kind of need to change all this. So instead of lashing out at people or trying to have other people's words, let other people's words get to me. I kind of shut off and I didn't really show anyone how I truly felt and I kind of shut myself off. I wasn't really that social with anybody and I was kind of just okay, I'm just going to be stuck with the few friends that I have right now and I'm not going to expand from that. I also think the pandemic also had a major effect on that at that point, because I was not the most social person at the time and then the pandemic hit and I became even less social.

Speaker 2:

So when that happened, how did you realize that your boundaries were too rigid?

Speaker 3:

I kind of figured that out when it came to, I guess, just how much I was not willing to be near people I did not want to. I never would have said that I had social anxiety when I was younger, but now I think I do because of just how rigid my boundaries were, because I can't even talk to a cashier normally without being anxious about what I'm going to say or what they're going to think of me. It's kind of like a combination of both of them, where it's like my boundaries are so rigid that I do not like talking to people and I become anxious. But then my boundaries were so open at one point, to the point where but then I also didn't have any close relations, many close relationships to where I wouldn't have to be like oh well, I don't know what they're going to think of me.

Speaker 2:

Interesting. So how do you find balance? Do you find balance between being open to meaningful connections and protecting yourself from potential harm? Are you at a balance point now, or is it tilted one way or the other?

Speaker 3:

I'd say that, while it's certainly not good, it's definitely a lot more balance than it used to be. I have friends and people that I rely on when it comes to needing to be mentally vulnerable mentally and emotionally vulnerable to people, and that helps me get through some of the issues that I have. In other instances I've also shut out people or not really engaged with people who I don't really think would help me in those situations. While it could definitely be a lot better than it is now because I'm still kind of struggling with it I definitely think it's a lot better. I have kind of a system with it now, so it's at least a little better than it was.

Speaker 2:

Okay, that makes sense. Now that's with people outside the immediate family. There, how do you find your balance with family members now? I know we don't see a lot of the extended family as frequently as we used to One of the things the proverbial hugs from the rest of the family or the infamous pinching of the cheeks and all that stuff. Do you find, when you have those limited interactions with the extended family, that your boundaries are at a comfortable level, or do you think you need to make adjustments?

Speaker 3:

There's some adjustments I need to make with some of my family members, but otherwise a lot of them are really I don't really know what the best word is but a good portion of them understand the idea of consent and I've made it clear to them specifically my boundaries when it comes to physical touch. Now they always ask if I actually want to hug and they always make sure to ask before going in for a hug. I still have some family members that I haven't directly told that with and they just hug me without asking, which it gets me a little uncomfortable, but it's something I can probably work on.

Speaker 2:

Now, do you feel, for the most part, that you're setting your boundaries and those boundaries aren't being set for you, or do you feel that it's more an outside influence setting those boundaries?

Speaker 3:

I think it can be kind of mixed between that. I certainly have my own boundaries when it comes to a lot of things, when it comes to my interactions with other people, but when it comes to other people setting boundaries with me, I always make sure to respect them and there's certain instances where I provide that vulnerability for my friend or we kind of just joke around often enough and we're kind of just an escape from reality with each other. I feel like they all have their own boundaries with me and if I ever accidentally cross their boundaries, they'll let me know.

Speaker 2:

Okay. The notion of boundaries expands into the concept of containment, which involves safeguarding others from our physical, emotional and verbal behaviors. This dual aspect of containment, its absence and its excess, both serve as indicators of dysfunctional boundaries that have far-reaching implications in our interactions.

Speaker 3:

The lack of containment can be traced back to two primary sources. Firstly, growing up with a parent who displayed uncontained behavior can influence a child to mimic similar actions. Additionally, when caregivers fail to address dysfunctional behavior in a child, it can contribute to a lack of containment. The behaviors associated with a lack of containment encompass encroaching on personal space by standing too close to others. Invading boundaries by touching people or their belongings without seeking permission. Engaging in unfiltered speech that may lead to hurtful remarks. Reacting impulsively without considering the potential consequences. Struggling to manage emotions or energy, resulting in emotional outbursts. And evading personal responsibility by placing blame on others for one's actions.

Speaker 2:

Dysfunctional boundaries can also manifest as an excessive sense of containment, effectively constructing emotional walls. This pattern gives rise to distinct behaviors such as rarely initiating physical contact with others due to apprehension or discomfort. Suppressing personal desires and needs due to the anticipation that they won't be fulfilled. Intensely focusing on avoiding any actions that might upset or offend others, often at the expense of one's own authenticity, and striving for perfectionism as a defense mechanism against the deep-seated fear of abandonment.

Speaker 3:

The interconnectedness between boundaries and containment is of great significance. Dysfunctional boundaries can manifest as either a lack of containment, involving behaviors that disregard personal boundaries, or excessive containment, which results in emotional detachment and avoidance of authentic self-expression. Recognizing these patterns and delving into their underlying causes is pivotal in the journey to foster healthier, more balanced and meaningful interpersonal interactions.

Speaker 2:

So have you ever experienced or witnessed situations where someone's behavior felt uncontained, like invading personal space or reacting impulsively?

Speaker 3:

I actually have two examples of friends one that was a while ago and one that's actually more current where I do feel like their boundaries.

Speaker 3:

They were kind of uncontained. I had one friend who, like it, was the friend that I also kind of fought with when I was younger. They I don't really know if they understood the concept of boundaries, but they certainly had instances where they clearly broke boundaries. They were way more comfortable in certain things and they thought that doing certain things was fine when it really wasn't. And then I have a friend currently now that I'm kind of that is in my gym class and I have like a group of friends there and they all started to have issues with this friend because they would touch them spontaneously and one of them is very insistent on the idea of consent when it comes to being touched and there was conflict between them and they ended up, I think, fighting over it or they had friends that fought over it because of it, and I'm still friends with that person. But I have noticed that they do tend to touch their friends without really asking and I don't really think it's necessarily their fault, but it certainly is something to consider.

Speaker 2:

Interesting. Now, on the other side of the coin, can you identify times when you or someone you may know may have shown signs of excessive containment, like avoiding physical contact or suppressing personal needs, but from a detrimental standpoint to that person?

Speaker 3:

That probably more so, encompasses me the minute you were reading off like all the effects of that.

Speaker 3:

I'm like, wow, I feel called out and I'm pretty sure some of it probably is a bit detrimental to me because I am a perfectionist and I don't want to feel like I'm failing anyone and I usually avoid confrontation with people because I don't want to be yelled at and I don't want other people to be annoyed by my presence.

Speaker 3:

So I kind of avoid a lot of the confrontations and maybe if I had actually gone and talked through stuff or I actually had done things that I avoided, maybe things would have turned out better for me. And even without considering the possibility of what could have happened if I did take that step or the steps, I do feel like it's still kind of detrimental to me because, at least in the sense of self-worth, because I am a perfectionist and I don't want to be abandoned or be not just I don't want my friends to see me in a negative light because I'm not perfect and even though I understand that nobody's perfect and like perfection is something that I just can't achieve, I still constantly try to do so and it also makes me actively avoid certain things because I'm like I don't know what I'm doing here. I don't know how I'm going to do this perfectly. I don't want to screw up.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I could see how that would be a real source of anxiety for you at that point. So do you think you can find a balance between respecting other boundaries and not overly containing yourself?

Speaker 3:

I mean, probably A big step would probably be getting rid of my social anxiety. That getting you know, control, finding ways of dealing with my anxiety, I feel like is probably the best sense in what I need to do. That would at least help me, because I'm not an overly I'm not an overly uncontained person. I'm an overly contained person and a lot of the containment usually comes from some sort of anxiety or the perfectionism that I have. And maybe if I ended up working on that or trying to find the source of that or just generally doing things to help fix my anxiety or at least downplay it to the point where it isn't detrimental to me, maybe then I would be able to find a better balance.

Speaker 2:

Okay, I think there's a solution out there somewhere. We're going to take a second break here and when we come back we're actually going to talk about healing dysfunctional boundaries. We'll be right back.

Speaker 1:

Insights into entertainment, a podcast series taking a deeper look into entertainment and media. Our husband and wife team of pop culture fanatics are exploring all things, from music and movies to television and fandom. We'll look at the interesting and obscure entertainment news of the week. We'll talk about theme park and pop culture news. We'll give you the latest and greatest on pop culture conventions. We'll give you a deep dive into Disney, star Wars and much more. Look at our video episodes at youtubecom backslash insights into things, our audio episodes at podcastinsightsintoentertainmentcom, or check us out on the web at insightsintothingscom.

Speaker 3:

Welcome back to insights into teens. Today we're talking about boundaries and why they matter. Now we're going to talk about healing dysfunctional boundaries. Therapists are equipped with a diverse array of methods to guide adolescents and families through the journey of healing dysfunctional boundaries. This process commences with the essential step of identifying the unhealthy patterns and behaviors that have taken root. Questions will tend to emerge Are we too vulnerable or too closed off? Are we transgressing boundaries or maintaining an excessive distance?

Speaker 2:

For those who have encountered relational trauma, specialized therapists play a pivotal role in helping clients pinpoint triggers that lead to unhealthy behavior stemming from these dysfunctional boundaries. The key focus is on clients striving to enhance containment. This involves honing skills and emotional regulation, allowing individuals to tap into self soothing mechanisms and reducing reliance on nervous verbalizing or over dependence on external sources for comfort.

Speaker 3:

Several therapeutic modalities are harnessed to treat dysfunctional boundaries and relational trauma.

Speaker 2:

So first up we have Good luck with that one Dialectical.

Speaker 3:

Behavioral Therapy, or DBT. Dbt offers a structured approach that aids individuals in acknowledging and managing the unhealthy behaviors that often mask underlying issues. Collaboratively with therapists, clients craft strategies to modify these patterns, fostering positive changes.

Speaker 2:

You also have cognitive behavioral therapy, cbt. With CBT, individuals embark on the journey of recognizing and reshaping negative thought and behavioral patterns. This shift gradually cultivates a more optimistic mindset and constructive actions.

Speaker 3:

There's also mindfulness. The adoption of mindfulness practices, such as yoga and meditation, nurtures heightened self awareness. This, in turn acts as an emotional shield, imbuing tranquility and fostering sensitivity to respecting the boundaries of others.

Speaker 2:

There's also somatic therapies. Delving into somatic therapies underscores the interconnectedness of the body and mind. These therapies prove particularly beneficial for those on a journey of trauma recovery, addressing emotional and physical aspects.

Speaker 3:

And finally, there's experimental therapies, creative, creative modalities like art therapy, music therapy, adventure therapy and so that's experiential therapies, not experimental therapies. Experiential Experiential Okay.

Speaker 2:

Just to clarify.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

For those at home.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Sorry.

Speaker 3:

Creative modalities like art therapy, music therapy, adventure therapy and Equine therapy.

Speaker 2:

You know what that is Horses.

Speaker 3:

Oh.

Speaker 2:

You know, grooming them, riding them, taking care of them.

Speaker 3:

Anyway, they all offer alternative avenues for self expression. Beyond this, they bolster self esteem and create platforms for communication when verbal articulation might pose challenges, like right now.

Speaker 2:

The spectrum of strategies employed by therapists reflects their commitment to aiding teenagers and families in the journey towards healing dysfunctional boundaries. The emphasis spans from recognizing the unhealthy behaviors and their triggers to engaging in the proper therapies suited for the unique situation and patient. These multifaceted approaches combine forces to steer individuals through the labyrinth of relational trauma, nurturing healthier patterns of interaction and expression. Now, one of those we've talked about numerous times mindfulness. On the podcast itself, which I know you've, we've tried some of that stuff and some of these things, while not done under the guise of a professional therapist. Some of these things we've kind of tried ourselves. I mean, your version of equine therapy is really feline therapy for you, one of your emotional support animals that we have in the Urana house, we got a bunch of mercants. How do you, how do you kind of tap into these things, these different therapies that might not register immediately as a therapy, to try to bring that balance of these boundaries to you?

Speaker 3:

Well, usually they are kind of like with everything. They kind of allow me to kind of step back and, you know, focus on something that I am comfortable with. If I and if someone ended up crossing my boundary or if something happened with that that made me uncomfortable, I can take some time, step back, do something I enjoy, spend some time with cats and you know, just um, just chill pretty much.

Speaker 2:

Just chill. Yeah, I mean, that's probably the ultimate therapy out there is just getting yourself to that comfort state. So, when thinking about your own boundaries and relationships, can you identify any patterns that might be considered unhealthy, like being too open or too closed off?

Speaker 3:

I think I've mentioned it before that I do think I'm a little too closed off when it comes to things, and I guess that's also why I have a friend that wants to expand my boundaries, because I limit myself a lot and I understand that I limit myself. You guys have also mentioned how I limit myself in the sense of, well, I'm able to go out and drive and I have that freedom. I don't. I've only done it once and I kind of don't want to do whatever again.

Speaker 2:

What are your thoughts on using creative or experiential therapies like art therapy or equine or feline to address relational issues and boundaries and problems?

Speaker 3:

Again, I feel like they can kind of be a way to step out of that reality and into another reality. That is either something you can do creatively or something that just makes you feel good. I feel like you normally use that sort of stuff as a way to step back from issues that stress me out or things that don't make me comfortable, as a way to find a sense of comfort and to, like I said, chill, and I feel like a lot of people could benefit from having something that can help them calm down if they've had a stressful day, or if someone said something to them they didn't like, or if just any really bad thing happened that you know. I hope everyone has at least something that they can go to that makes them feel calm or at least makes them feel good.

Speaker 2:

So, aside from the obvious observation that you might be overly contained sometimes, do you think the boundaries that you live by on a day-to-day basis are adequate for you, or do you think you need to evaluate, maybe making some adjustments to them?

Speaker 3:

I mean, I probably need to make adjustments to the fact that I don't really like talking to strangers and my boundary is kind of like if you want to talk to me, you come up to me and do so, and when? Because obviously there's going to be instances where I'm going to have to go up and talk to somebody else, like at a register. I can't wait for them to you know, come up and say are you finished with all your items? Would you like to? Would you like me to help you with that? And it's like I can't expect that, because that's not how that works, that's you kind of have to be the one to initiate that, and I feel like my boundary of waiting for other people to initiate stuff is something that not only can I benefit from in the sense of the practical reason, but also the fact that I'll be able to initiate conversations with other people and hopefully form meaningful relationships that way, rather than just waiting for them to come and talk to me instead of me going to talk to them.

Speaker 2:

Well, it sounds like the boundaries that you have right now serve you well for the most part, and it sounds like where they don't serve you, you're aware of those shortcomings. It's just a matter of addressing those. So I think that's that's really the important thing is you're. You're doing a pretty good job coping with things the way they are, with the current boundaries, but you recognize where there's room for some growth and, thankfully, that that growth is being encouraged by some of your friends too, in a, would you say, healthy way.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, cause, like none of my friends are doing it in any sort of malicious way, they joke about it. But, like my friends genuinely want me to like, go out, do some clubs, do some stuff with the school, or you know, they'll ask me hey, you want to hang out? Cause they know I'm usually never one to do so.

Speaker 2:

Well, that's good. It's good that they're encouraging you instead of pressuring you. I think that itself is indicative of one good friends two boundaries that can be expanded without too much pain. So I think that's a good thing. But I think that was all we had for the, the topic and the show today. We're going to take a quick break. Come back and we'll get your closing thoughts and remarks. We'll be right back.

Speaker 3:

All right. So to everyone out there, I'm just going to restate the title of the podcast boundaries matter, and I feel like that's something that a lot of people could, you know, learn to understand. And, much like with everything in life, there's obviously a middle ground from going too far off one end and too far off the other end. If you're too overly open or overly uncontained, you can start to make other people feel uncomfortable, or you yourself are a little too vulnerable when it comes to everything and you're not able to, you know, feel secure with yourself or around others. Meanwhile, if you're like me and you're too closed off and unwilling to break your own boundaries for the sake of talking with other people, that's also kind of an issue as well, because you could also be harming yourself. So finding a way of balance between the two of them, I feel like, is something important, and obviously it's probably not going to be super easy, considering I'm still struggling with it myself. So you know, keep going at it, you're doing great.

Speaker 2:

Nice. I think it's sage advice because boundaries change their situational. They're different from person to person, from situation to situation and sometimes there's that awkwardness of trying to figure out those boundaries and, where their comfort level is Intiggy, can kind of get them dialed in. Nothing is just going to come automatically like that. You kind of just you have to feel it out and having other people in your life that help you and are interesting, your best interest and are helping you to expand those and deal with those boundaries, I think that's a blessing in life. So that was all we had today Before we do go and when I once again invite our listening and viewing audience to subscribe to the podcast.

Speaker 2:

Audio versions of this podcast can be found, listed as insights into teens, and audio and video versions of all the networks podcasts, including our new affiliate podcast, no credits rolled, can be found at insights into things. We are available on Apple podcast, spotify, google, iheartradio, tune in, et cetera, et cetera. We would also invite your feedback. You can email us at comments. At insightsintethingscom, we are on Twitter or X. At insights underscore things. We have high res videos of all of our episodes available on YouTube at youtubecom slash insights into things. We do stream five days a week on Twitch, at twitchtv slash, insights into things, and you can find links to all this and more on our website at wwwinsightsintothingscom.

Speaker 2:

One final word we've gotten a number of folks reaching out to us about appearing on the podcast. We are working through those requests now to try to schedule interviews and get them on the on the calendar now that we're back to recording, and hopefully we'll stick to recording consistently with all the podcasts moving forward. So I appreciate everyone's feedback. We will be reaching out shortly to set things up and hopefully we have some exciting podcasts coming in the near future. But that's it for today. Another one in the books.

Speaker 3:

Bye everyone.

Speaker 2:

Bye.

Understanding Healthy Boundaries in Relationships
Understanding and Balancing Personal Boundaries
Recognizing and Healing Dysfunctional Boundaries
(Cont.) Recognizing and Healing Dysfunctional Boundaries
Healing Dysfunctional Boundaries Through Therapy
Exploring Boundaries and Therapy